No-one Needs to Understand Your Dreams

We all realise that it takes sacrifices and overcoming obstacles to reach that dream. Some of these are obvious, like needing to work ridiculously hard, or having to take a big financial gamble, or overcoming self-doubt, but some are hidden and can take us by surprise. One of these surprising hurdles we sometimes have to leap over is the way that the people around us don’t understand what we’re chasing, and, as a result, don’t give us the support we really wanted when trying to do something daunting.

The feeling you get when a friend or family member just doesn’t get it and seems to push against your dream when you finally share it with them is like being slapped in the face with a wet towel, especially when you’re facing late nights, early mornings, gruelling training and a workload most couldn’t carry. But that’s the burden of someone absolutely committed to the goal, and the lack of understanding from friends and family is almost to be expected, so it’s important for those of us who are committed to chasing our dreams to understand that no-one has to understand our dreams.

In fact, when facing pushback from friends and family, it’s a good idea to remember that what tends to happen with friends and family is that they will discourage ideas and visions that they see as being risky and try to push you towards a safer goal. You can take your pick of musicians, sportspeople, actors or any number of others who stand at the pinnacle of their field as examples, but England and Saracens lock Maro Itoje is a great example.

Neither of his parents wanted him to play rugby or supported the idea of pursuing it as a career initially. For them, success was becoming a professional like a doctor or lawyer. In fact, when Maro finally told his father that he was interested in rugby and only rugby, his father refused to speak to him for three days.

Ultimately, as Maro himself says, they were concerned for his future, and once they saw that rugby was a viable career, they turned around and supported him. However, to get to that point, Maro had to persevere and do the work that would put him in a position to plausibly be able to reach that dream and get his parents on board as well.

This is so often what it’s like for people with a big dream, and it’s an important lesson for us to carry with us. People (especially people we care about and admire) will turn around and doubt us or our dreams and encourage something else.

They might even be right.

But giving up isn’t an option. We have to take the shot, and that means dedication and a consuming focus on the goal is needed.

The problem with that is that that itself can also raise questions from the people around you and draw pushback. Your mates might not understand why you won’t go out with them anymore, and your family members might question why you’re working so hard and urge you to slow down. They might worry that you’re isolating yourself or feel irritated that you’re “cutting them out” of your life. Of course, communication helps here, but it’s quite possible – likely, even – that they still won’t get it, and if that’s the case, if you really are committed to chasing your dream, you have no choice but to make the hard choice and take the hit, even if it costs you friends.

Some may say that that’s harsh, that friendships are vital, and they are very important. We were not made to be alone. But your friends also have to trust you when you’re pushing towards doing something constructive (at least to a reasonable point), and you also don’t want to remain connected to friends who actively hold you back and prioritise socialising over chasing the dream. If that causes a rift between you and a friend or two, that’s a price you have to decide that you’re willing to pay.

At the end of the day, your success in reaching your dreams is down to you. No-one will do it for you. You have to want it. If no-one else understands your ambition, that doesn’t have to stop you. Only you have to understand your dream, and what’s important is that you protect the vision and keep going.

Pursue your dreams relentlessly